Indigoth

...And I just had a nerdgasm all over my screen!

I wonder how many of my followers would be interested in fictional tales about crossdressing.  Keep in mind, anything from me wouldn't be the normal, "guy forced to become a sissy," stuff because it's been done to death and I usually hate it even when it's done well.  The story I have in mind is called Star Saga Online.  It's about the virtual life of an introverted, soft-spoken guy playing a tsundere female guild leader which is known for her "mean way of being nice."  It'll also feature a different character whom has gender dysphoria.  While their sexual "situations" won't be the main focus of the story, it will be the most predominant sidestory.

I just learned that Michael, the dock manager at my store, died Monday from a very bad fall off of a ladder.  He was a very uplifting, vibrant and easy-going guy.  He worked twice as hard as just about everyone I know and almost always smiled while doing it.  He's also been with the store since the mall was built.  In fact, he's the one that set up the stockroom shelving and even some of the walls are arranged by his suggestions.  To say that he will be missed is an understatement.  Even now, as I go to work, I will be on the dock for the entirety of my shift.  It will understandably be hard to focus.

I'll be fine.  I've dealt with death before.  I'm just not looking forward to the next few days because it never gets easier.

This weekend, I finally had the chance to take more pics.  My family was going to be 700 miles away, I had a short work day and, for over 24 hours, I was going to have the house all to myself.  Nothing could go wrong, right?

Oh, how naive I was...  Let's go down the list, shall we?

First, I cut my lip shaving.  Don't ask...  I'm not even sure how I did.  After that, I left the exfoliating lotion on a little too long.  Now I have high sensitivity in sensitive places.  Even having soap run over it during my shower stung.  Oh, I also remembered what happened last time I used Nair on my nads... 2 minutes after I had already done it.  Let's just say the next few days will be very touchy.  The rest of the primping was fine until I put on one of my new corsets.  I bought new ones to better fit my height but it turns out I have to work harder to make them fit.  The white one is the worst.  It's clearly brushing up against something metal when I tightened it.  Eventually It'll frizz until the string rips.  I'll have to worry about that later though.

Oh, I did mention that I gained a lot of weight recently.  Those 40 pounds I gained might as well have been a nail in the coffin.  The dress I had in mind no longer fits.  In fact, most of my dresses no longer fit.  Trust me, I've tried.  I finally found one that did.  My pirate loli outfit isn't designed to zip up like the rest.  The front of the coat is held together by ribbons that I can let out to compensate my weight gain.  I thought I was finally having a bit of good luck until I remembered that it has a decorative button that was ripped off.  Turning that lemon into lemonade, I figured I could take a "Suffering for the sake of art" pic of me half dressed while sewing it back on.  There was still a chance to make it work.

I put on most of the outfit and go or my camera.  I had forgotten I had placed it back in its original box and some of my family are... kleptophilic... so I was panicking when I couldn't find it.  After I finally did, I started setting up the shot.  I had just framed the angle where I was going to sit when the battery icon flashed and the camera shut off.  Considering that the battery lives on the charger, I thought it odd that it would be dead so I tried turning it on again.  It lasted a few seconds then flashed the icon and shut itself off.  It wouldn't even turn back on after that. It seems the cheap charger I bought to replace the one I lost decided not to work right.  Rather, it was slightly too big to make the proper connections for charging.  Trying to shove my thinnest screwdriver in to force a connection didn't work so I finally found an outlet in a position that would charge it properly.

While that was being worked on, I went for my wig.  Clearly, it has seen its last convention.  I'm sure it could be fixed but I don't have the skill to do so.  Last time I tried, I ruined the wig and bought the one I have now.  Looks like it's time for another replacement.  Considering it was the middle of the night, I decide to make it work anyway and just apologize for having a "bad hair day".

Then I went to work on the dress.  It was worse than I thought.  Part of the fabric holding the button had been ripped.  I cut it off so there's now a small hole where it use to be.  It'll be covered so that wasn't a big issue.  No, that issue was the button itself.  After I threaded the needle and made one pass, I noticed something I've never seen before.  The brass button had a crack in the clasp.  Fearing the worst, I pulled on it with the needle.  Sure enough, it was in 2 pieces.  With nothing to loop the thread through, there was no way I could sew that button back on the dress.  I would have to buy a new one.

Even with all that against me, I figured I could fake it with a safely pin so I grabbed the battery.  Well, I tried to.  I ended up dropping it and it fell behind the trashcan.  It wasn't exactly a sanitary spot but I retrieved it, clean it and put it back in the camera.  I had just enough time to take one test photo before it flashed the battery symbol and cut off again.  At that point it had been 5 hours since I first stepped into the bathroom to shave.  I tried to stay positive throughout the whole ordeal but I can't do jack without that camera.  I also had not even started on my makeup.  I finally threw up my hands and surrendered.

I'm sorry guys.  Hopefully I'll get another opportunity soon.  In the meantime, I'll be buying a new wig, a replacement button, looking for a dress that can take me gaining weight and probably a new camera as well.  I know you waited this long but, sadly, it's going to be even longer.

I can understand the desire to appear as feminine as possible as I too seek that.  I see it as subtly, grace, charm, love, cuteness and sincerity given in moderate dosages and all wrapped together in perfectly astectic package.  However, it has become dishearteningly evident that my way of thinking is the minority as my watched messages are constantly and consistently filled with depictions of "women" whom wouldn't be out of place in low budget pornographic productions.

Why?  Why is it that just about every male crossdresser I met wants to squeeze themself into a dress too tight and too small for a girl half their size and age?  Why must they wear stilettos who have heels long enough to be measured in feet?  Why do they insist on wearing breasts forms where each individual one weighs more then their head?  And above all else, why do they have to have their dick hanging out in every other pic they post?!

What's worse is that, when I call people on this and suggest small, conservative changes to boost their overall appeal, I'm met with playful resistance.  They prefer to have their bare behind shoved directly in the camera's view.  They want people to notice the ridiculously apparent upskirt shot.  Breasts have to be as pronounced as possible, lest one viewer, in a have-dazed state, accidentally misses the obvious.  Then there's all the fetish gear, the unnatural, erotic poses, the layers of makeup, the submissive situations...

I can't deny people their perversions, unless I label myself a hypocrite but I wonder if that's all they want to be seen as.  Where are the guys whom wish they could be blushing brides?  Where are the kindred spirits that just want to be cute?  Where are they hiding my brothers-in-arms whom prefer contemporary fashion statements?  Does anyone even know what ankle length dress means?

If we truly want the world to respect us, we must respect ourselves first.